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Diary January 2020

 我不知日月地生活在一座白色而沉静的空房子里，很远的地方有海水拍打礁石的声音。我在一座巨大的黑色铁架子下面抽烟，烟味儿消散在海风里。

    我转过脸去看着她。她的面容飘荡在寂静的时间里，眼睛清亮，带着笑容看着我。她的脸融化在海风里，给微凉的日落时分染上一点余温。

    我本来以为我会和她一起停留在这段时间里。我本来以为我已经是空荡荡的一个人了，我本来以为我走上这条路的时候的样子会一直存在在世界上，那时候我站在青春的边上，世界是摇摇晃晃的大海，我伸出指尖就碰见时聚时散的软绵绵的云彩，洒出里面盛着的橙色的光。

    我早就不知道自己是谁了。以前引着我看这个世界的人早就不见踪影，只有我一个人能试着回忆起那个昏黄走廊里的身影。窗户外面下雪了，雪声轰隆隆地，把我卷进很久以前。

I drifted through my days without knowing one sunrise from the next, living alone in a quiet white house. Somewhere far away, I could hear the sea breaking against the rocks. I stood beneath a towering black steel frame, smoking, the taste of tobacco dissolving into the ocean wind.

I turned to look at her.

Her face floated gently in the stillness of time. Her eyes were bright, and she looked at me with a quiet smile. The sea breeze slowly dissolved the edges of her face, leaving behind a trace of warmth in the cool light of sunset.

I had thought we would remain suspended in that moment together.

I had thought I had already become someone hollow. I had thought that the person I was when I first stepped onto this road would remain somewhere in the world forever. Back then, I stood at the edge of youth. The world was a restless sea. I reached out my fingertips and brushed against clouds that gathered and scattered, soft as cotton, spilling the orange light they carried inside.

I no longer know who I am.

The people who once taught me how to see the world have long since disappeared. I am the only one left who can still summon the silhouette in that dimly lit hallway.

Outside the window, it has begun to snow. The snowfall roars, pulling me back into a time long gone.