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Diary April 2019

    我的记忆力越来越差了，生活却不急不缓地在正轨上移动。写过的日记在几周之间就能在脑子里淡化成一滩阴影；说过的话，做过的事，也总是飘散得异乎寻常地迅速。可我就这么生活着，不停抽烟，偶尔头疼，不再试着过于关注自己或者定义自己，不再纠结或纠缠或止步不前。

    然而那些阴雨天气总是在夜晚降落，用失散的味道砸中我麻木的味蕾，让我流下泪来。

    我最近长大得很快。偶尔阳光充足，我在外面散步的时候仿佛能数清时间的滚动。

My memory grows weaker and weaker, while life keeps moving forward at its own quiet pace.

The journals I write fade into a shadow after only a few weeks. The things I've said, the things I've done—they scatter with unusual speed. Still, I go on living. I keep smoking. I get headaches now and then. I no longer try so hard to watch myself or define myself. I no longer linger in confusion, or cling to it, or let it keep me from moving.

And yet rainy days always arrive at night. They strike my numb tongue with the taste of something long lost, and they bring me to tears.

Lately, I've been growing up very quickly. Sometimes, when the sun is out, and I walk outside, I can almost count the turning of time.